Too much of a good thing?

I love catching up with My Sugar in the car on long drives.

MS: I've been meaning to tell you about this story I saw on TV about women who are aroused constantly and walk around on the verge of orgasm. All the time.

Me: All the time?

MS: Yes. There's a spectrum, some are just mildly buzzed sometimes when they least expect it, and others are on the toe-curling ALMOST.THERE. stage almost all the time. Some say they can't ride in a car, or even walk, without getting turned on. Or they hear sounds, and pop, there they go.

Me: I get hot when the barista flips my espresso switch. I understand.

MS: Yeah, I know you'd love it. But seriously, all the time? Sitting in school pick-up line? When you are trying to fight with your partner?

Me: They'd be like "You have got to be more considerate ....ohhhh, hmmm, ooohhhhh..of my time...ahhhh." It would be hard to make your point.

MS: Seriously. Daily life is torture. They have to masturbate a lot to get relief.

Me: Oh, what horrible medicine. Can I get a prescription for that? RX: Masturbate 3x per day or as needed, preferably on a full stomach. May cause sleepiness or affect your ability to operate heavy machinery.

MS: One lady said on long care drives she looses her mind and has to pull over to reststops to masturbate.

Me: Oh, and you know how bathrooms echo. You can probably here here moaning out by the picnic table. And the poor kids. "Are we there yet. No, OMG, mom has to masturbate again!" And in the bathroom, poor things. Why do all women's conditions get sent to the bathroom. That's kinda like having to breastfeed in the bathroom. We women who are about to come need special rooms!

MS: Two of the women were wearing wigs on the show to hide their shame.

Me: It's time to stop the shame. If it happens to a woman's body, we shouldn't be ashamed. I wouldn’t be ashamed. I’d blog about it! I’d have t-shirts made that say “I could come right now.com!” I’d form an organization called “ArouseHer.” I’d teach other women how to GET this condition and we'd have playdates to spread it like chicken pox. We’d have conventions where we get together to talk about mommyhumming, kind of like Blogher, and the backchannel would rock! We’re gonna fight for our right to ORGASM! Hey, does this condition qualify for disability checks? We could all martch into the Social Security office and finally qualify for a Scandinavian type governmental leave from work for a woman's contitions. We'd all be in the Social Security office all "we need benefits...yes, oh, god, oh damn, ummm, yeeeessss...because we can't work....ohhhhhh ohhhhh.....because w need to come now!"

So I've just realized that the conversation I had with My Sugar comes across a little harsh if you actually HAVE the dreaded coming condition. I shouldn't make fun until I walk a (stimulating) mile in their panties, should I? I tell you what, to show you that I am sensitive to the plight of the perpetually humming, I would like to suggest that we work as women to create a safe, clean space for women to use for masturbation in public settings. Maybe a little room next to the bathroom and the breastfeeding room, equipped with a bed, low lighting and soundproof walls. A place where a woman can really roar and let go. A room of her own. With free wi-fi so we can blog afterwards while our minds are clear. Until we start to ramp up again!