Why again are we saving daylight?

You would think that a Saturday spent emulating a hamster burrowed under a shredded toilet paper roll--as long as the hamster had a remote control--would be a weekend wasted. But it was not. I have learned many things in my couch crash:

1. Watching Fargo on television means that all the f-bombs are replaced, and Steve Buschemi needs a lot of f-replacements. The bleepers had fun fitting the new f-words to the locale. My favorites were "Frugal" and "Frozen." Perfect for Minnesota. I was impressed, because I hate the word "fecking." Fecking is for fucking wusses.

2. Each viewing of Fargo equates to 3 subsequent hours of insane, unnecessary babble to perfect a nasal, upper Midwestern accent, doncha know.

3. Channel hopping netted ONE celebration of International Woman's Day. Not that I was looking for such, but it was ironic that the only mention seemed to be QVC's tribute to female product inventors. I was lucky enough to catch the tail-end of key fobs SPECIALLY DESIGNED with intricate COUNTERBALANCE PHYSICS to hang on the top of your purse WITHOUT DAMAGING THE LEATHER. Then I saw the beginning of a lucite Swiss knife contraption with a lever and a magnifying lens that allows you to put on bracelets BY YOURSELF. Because woman are all about INDEPENDENCE these days. They were buy-one-get-one so that you could keep a spare in your purse. Go Women!

4. That was the most I've ever watched QVC, but I have to say it's oddly comforting. They repeated instructions about how handy the key fob was 80 times, and even more words were needed to extol the virtues of a new way to put on a bracelet. It was kind of like Teletubbies for adults. Simple and reassuring. We need more of that in these troubled times.

5. The Tudors is fucking hot. If you watch show after show late at night, be prepared for some post-show bawdiness.

6. One day of couch crash was enough. Today, I worked, cleaned, took a walk with My Sugar, schemed good schemes with Salo, and tried to eke as much as I could out of the day that was unfairly robbed of an hour by the damn Republicans. They have messed up everything, even Daylight Saving Time. Bastards. (Remember when Falwell and the RR thought that the purple Teletubby was gay? Fucking idiots.)

Hope you wasted some time usefully this weekend.