Lesbians' Days are Numbered

I might have to go to Greece this summer. Wanna go in on a charter? The lesbians of Greece need us.

The Associated Press reports that the citizens of Sappho's town of Lesbos are suing a Greek gay (redundant much?) organization for using the word "lesbian" in their name. Apparently that's never been done in Greece before, and the townfolk of Lesbos have been waiting, just waiting, for a chance to scream to the world:

WE ARE THE REAL LESBIANS, AND WE ARE STRAIGHT! Only our MEN like PUSSY! LESBIAN women don't like PUSSY! The women of our town like COCK! Most of them! Well, NOT my sister. But she's a Lesbian lesbian, and she can't say that without getting snickers. So, yeah, we all hate it that you try to be lesbians even though you DON'T LIVE IN OUR TOWN. Do what you want to so, just quit calling your queer selves LESBIANS. Got it?

And then they close the shutters on their little white houses and drink some ouzo and have straight sex.

Here's the snatch:

ATHENS, Greece (AP) -- A Greek court has been asked to draw the line between the natives of the Aegean Sea island of Lesbos and the world's gay women.

Three islanders from Lesbos - home of the ancient poet Sappho, who praised love between women - have taken a gay rights group to court for using the word lesbian in its name.

One of the plaintiffs said Wednesday that the name of the association, Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece, "insults the identity" of the people of Lesbos, who are also known as Lesbians.

"My sister can't say she is a Lesbian," said Dimitris Lambrou. "Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos," he said.

The three plaintiffs are seeking to have the group barred from using "lesbian" in its name and filed a lawsuit on April 10. The other two plaintiffs are women.

Also called Mytilene, after its capital, Lesbos is famed as the birthplace of Sappho. The island is a favored holiday destination for gay women, particularly the lyric poet's reputed home town of Eressos.

"This is not an aggressive act against gay women," Lambrou said. "Let them visit Lesbos and get married and whatever they like. We just want (the group) to remove the word lesbian from their title."

He said the plaintiffs targeted the group because it is the only officially registered gay group in Greece to use the word lesbian in its name. The case will be heard in an Athens court on June 10.

Sappho lived from the late 7th to the early 6th century B.C. and is considered one of the greatest poets of antiquity. Many of her poems, written in the first person and intended to be accompanied by music, contain passionate references to love for other women.

Lambrou said the word lesbian has only been linked with gay women in the past few decades. "But we have been Lesbians for thousands of years," said Lambrou, who publishes a small magazine on ancient Greek religion and technology that frequently criticizes the Christian Church.

Goodness. As if lesbians don't have enough trouble with the high cost of sperm insemination and of pet care for large dogs. So we might have to go to Lesbos and claim the name LESBIAN for the queer Lesbos.

The strategy? First the town, then the "title" of Lesbian. Any citizen who want to stay of course may, as long as they are real lesbians. Or bi. Or at least bi-curious. Or guys who go Greek. They can of course stay.

How will we assure that Lesbos remains free for the queer? I have never been a fan of pride flags at all, because they seemed just as tacky to me as porch ladybug flags. But I get it now! They are for the storming of Lesbos! We will storm the Lesbians, we will dominate the Lesbians and we will plant our flags upon the fertile hills of Lesbos! (Just like any other Saturday.) And then we will drink ouzo and enjoy exploring the new territory of every nook and cranny of Lesbos!

Are you in? Are you into lesbians as much as I am? Then off we go! SPARTA! LESBOS!