Sex Ed Tool for Springtime Self Discovery

{Note: scan down for the tool.}

Spring has sprung, so you know what that means? Bunnies are fucking like bunnies. What an inspiration we have in mammals!

Like spring cleaning, Spring also means it is time for a little sexual assessment. Because an unexamined sex life is only fun for you, and what about the rest of us? It's so sad that they only benchmarks we have to compare our sexual proclivities is either the milquetoast version of Sex Ed that is currently talked about in most public schools, homes and churches, or porn. Each only speaks to one little segment of the sexy pie, with school standing up for gently pleasurably lovemaking with a spouse that may lead to a wee version of you unless you use protection, and with porn throwing down with, well, porn.

And the rest you're supposed to find out on your own.

I'm creating a curriculum that is a little more fleshed out. I think we need to talk about sex on its many continuums. (Continui? Continuuae? WTF?) Wouldn't it be great if there also was a handy little template to use to help the conversation about sex go better on or even well before the first date or when one man or woman is talking about sex with him- or herself?

This is what They never say:
The truth and mystery about sex is that there are a gajillion ways to have it. And I'm not only talking about positions here.

Each sexual encounter falls somewhere on the Vanilla to Kink spectrum.
And at a point on the Rough to Gentle continuum.
And somewhere between Lovemaking and Wild Fucking.

What's really awesome is if you can get your rocks off all across all of the spectri, and that fairly consistently you and your lover are in the same zone on the same day. Because even if you are really rocking it in the "Vanilla Lovemaking" zone, if your partner is wanting "Rough and Wild" it's going to suck. So to speak.

(Of course, each lover also ranks somewhere from Clueless to Holy Fuck Mad Skillz, but that will have to be covered in Part 2.)

If most of the time you and your lover(s) are in sync in the same zone, it will usually rock the house just right. Skills are relatively easy to learn. Facility in all of the zones is the tricky part.

To aid our analysis, I selected the most common axes and made some diagrams so that we can drill down the drilling specifics.

On the X axis, we will look at great sex that ranges from a focus on pleasure to a focus on hot and raw. Every spot along that continuum represents a particular mix of those two extremes.

And on Y, we have the tone spectrum, ranging from sex that brings you closer to your partner and your higher being, to sex that is all about you getting off.

So with that, four zones are created:


This handy chart could be used to pinpoint your favorite mode, or the typical modes of your partner. It could also be used to have conversations with your prospective paramours to learn more about their preferences and moods. I am offering it to you, though, for a little self-assessment, so you can see where your strengths and weaknesses are. Are you Zone Fluid?

Maybe you would like a few examples to help you flesh our your analysis. Here is my cheat sheet for you to use as you will, created for you for educational purposes. Of course, these are only my opinions based on my experience; actual mileage may differ.

If your screen isn't large enough or doesn't have fine resoluti to adequately view the graphic, you can download the pdf file. (NSFW, of course!)It's at this webpage: http://debontherocks.googlepages.com/debroxsexed.pdf



You will find that making your chart can be very frustrating because you can't fit EVERYTHING into one chart, and also because it may make you very horny because it's sex-sex-sex nothing but-sex. Limited as it may be, I hope this tool is useful to you in some way in sparking some conversations with your self or, worst/best case scenario, with others in Real Life.

Open crowd source is powerful, so if you come up with an extension or replacement, I'd love to see your tool, too. And if you are well versed in all zones but really excel in the upper right, give me a ring sometime!