Sometimes it is hard to know what to say when someone announces without a lot of enthusiasm that she is pregnant. You kind of wait to find out if it's a "hurray," moment, or a "ooohhhh," moment or if a "hhmmm" is needed. But when Michelle Duggar says she's pregnant, the only possible answer is "you crazy knocked-up freak."
Sister already has 17 children, but they now have announced that they have one more bun in that wood-burning oven. Her womb must have a mini-bar and chaise lounges in it by now. Her baby parts are so stretched out that the fetus is able to throw the umbilical cord on like a backpack and take little hikes up to her right shoulder for lunch, and then back down near her left knee for a country ride in the afternoon.
Most people can not wrap their heads around the reproductive choices of this family, but I think of her as some sort of new breed of Old Testament Sci-Fi royalty. Seriously, I would not believe any person on this planet who tried to relay a message from God or aliens EXCEPT for Michelle Duggar. If she announced that she's the Queen of the New World Order and that soon angels or aliens were on their way to vaporize the rest of us to let Michelle and her husband Jim Bob (true story!) repopulate the world in sanctity and whiteness, I think I would say that yeah, I saw that coming, okay, bye now.
The new baby -- #18 -- is due New's Year Day 2009. I imagine that Michelle will register at Target, so don't rush out and buy a gift just yet. And there is no word on the gender at this point. I hope it's a girl, because more Duggar hair is just as necessary to our collective happiness as is, let's say, more cowbell.
The Discovery Channel is inviting people to vote on a name for 18. We could just call her "18" except that all of their children MUST be named with a "J" word according to decree by God and/or aliens. Michelle and Jim Bob already have children named:
Joshua, 20
Jana, 18
John-David, 18
Jill, 16
Jessa, 15
Jinger, 14
Joseph, 13
Josiah, 11
Joy-Anna, 10
Jeremiah, 9
Jedidiah, 9
Jason, 7
James, 6
Justin, 5
Jackson, 3
Johannah, 2
Jennifer, 1
My favorite name is Jinger. Nice. You don't need a new stripper name if your parents plan from the beginning with a hearty, versatile name like Jinger. But I don't like any of the names Discovery wants to offer up for the new baby. They are all boring! And if you can't name your 18th child something fun and distinctive, what is the point, you know?
Here are my first thoughts:
Jezebel (Old Testament, natch!)
Jimmy Bobby (after Dad)
Jeckel
Jellybelly
Jizzie (or Jizey as a variation)
Jhumpa
Jesus Christ
J. Crew
Jackalopee (rhymes with Virgin of Guadalope)
Just Stop
Jipsy Rose
Jabawookeezie
Jack Daniel
J'accuse (French is classy)
Janiquita Sherelle
Jodphrey (nice and British)
Juanita Rosita Bonita de la Jarenta
Jhoop Thereitis
J. Bonedog
J. Lo. Bootie
JuicyJuice
Jiminy
Jabroni
Jacki Chan
I don't know if any of these are right. I'm hoping that the hive mind of da internet can help come up with some better ones. If you help me brainstorm, I will send them a list of our ideas. Anybody? Anybody?
**chirp**
**chirp**
Sister already has 17 children, but they now have announced that they have one more bun in that wood-burning oven. Her womb must have a mini-bar and chaise lounges in it by now. Her baby parts are so stretched out that the fetus is able to throw the umbilical cord on like a backpack and take little hikes up to her right shoulder for lunch, and then back down near her left knee for a country ride in the afternoon.
Most people can not wrap their heads around the reproductive choices of this family, but I think of her as some sort of new breed of Old Testament Sci-Fi royalty. Seriously, I would not believe any person on this planet who tried to relay a message from God or aliens EXCEPT for Michelle Duggar. If she announced that she's the Queen of the New World Order and that soon angels or aliens were on their way to vaporize the rest of us to let Michelle and her husband Jim Bob (true story!) repopulate the world in sanctity and whiteness, I think I would say that yeah, I saw that coming, okay, bye now.
The new baby -- #18 -- is due New's Year Day 2009. I imagine that Michelle will register at Target, so don't rush out and buy a gift just yet. And there is no word on the gender at this point. I hope it's a girl, because more Duggar hair is just as necessary to our collective happiness as is, let's say, more cowbell.The Discovery Channel is inviting people to vote on a name for 18. We could just call her "18" except that all of their children MUST be named with a "J" word according to decree by God and/or aliens. Michelle and Jim Bob already have children named:
Joshua, 20
Jana, 18
John-David, 18
Jill, 16
Jessa, 15
Jinger, 14
Joseph, 13
Josiah, 11
Joy-Anna, 10
Jeremiah, 9
Jedidiah, 9
Jason, 7
James, 6
Justin, 5
Jackson, 3
Johannah, 2
Jennifer, 1
My favorite name is Jinger. Nice. You don't need a new stripper name if your parents plan from the beginning with a hearty, versatile name like Jinger. But I don't like any of the names Discovery wants to offer up for the new baby. They are all boring! And if you can't name your 18th child something fun and distinctive, what is the point, you know?
Here are my first thoughts:
Jezebel (Old Testament, natch!)
Jimmy Bobby (after Dad)
Jeckel
Jellybelly
Jizzie (or Jizey as a variation)
Jhumpa
Jesus Christ
J. Crew
Jackalopee (rhymes with Virgin of Guadalope)
Just Stop
Jipsy Rose
Jabawookeezie
Jack Daniel
J'accuse (French is classy)
Janiquita Sherelle
Jodphrey (nice and British)
Juanita Rosita Bonita de la Jarenta
Jhoop Thereitis
J. Bonedog
J. Lo. Bootie
JuicyJuice
Jiminy
Jabroni
Jacki Chan
I don't know if any of these are right. I'm hoping that the hive mind of da internet can help come up with some better ones. If you help me brainstorm, I will send them a list of our ideas. Anybody? Anybody?
**chirp**
**chirp**
24 comments:
Jee-I-should-shut-my-legs is my suggestion.
I don't think anyone can come up with anything better than "J. Bonedog" it's perfect for a boy or a girl.
Jism - as in "I knew you when you were just a notion in your daddy's jism"
Got some more for ya..since they've already crossed the line of ridiculous anyway!!
Jumpin' Jack Flash
Jumbalaya
Joe Bob
Joe Jim
Joe Momma
Joe Daddy
Joe Freakin Nutz
Joe Da Last One
I was thinking "Jussayno" would be appropriate ;)
My vote is in for Jhoop Thereitis. Goes great with basketball, and the family has enough kids for three teams plus subs.
I do like Aging Disco Diva's proposal, but I'm afraid they should have used Jussayno about 10 kids ago.
Roxy
I'm gonna have to go with Jesus Christ, only because this is obviously one of those Christian families who think he is going to return to Earth. Once they have him and name him JC, maybe they'll quit waiting. Oh yeah, and fucking.
We were going to call our bunny Jesus Jungle muff (Jesus pronounced Hey Zeus) they can take that. I wont sue.
I like Jackoff, but only for a boy.
Jeighteen. It would help make things clear, you know?
Well, there's always Jimmy Crackcorn. Jabba the Eighteen? Or they could always just settle for something simple, call the kid J. Not an initial for anything, just J. It would work for a boy or a girl. Involves no creativity either.
How about Just Jokin'?
What about "Jim-Bob, can we get a TV, pleeeeeeease ...."?
I love all of these. Now I understand why she has so many...once you start looking at J names it's hard to stop. I'm going to pull the list together and make a proposal to them that they can't refuse.
How about Joke? Also, does it really matter what the 18th child is named? No one is going to remember the name, much less the actual kid. It'll be left behind all the time.
Jabbawockeez. Hands down.
I have no name suggestion, but I hope it's a girl and she turns out to be a rebel like the little girl on the left side of the picture. ONLY her hair is swept over her right shoulder; the rest all sweep to the left. Even Michelle.
WHAT is up with that?
Maybe I do have a name idea: Jishelle.
The fact that this family continues to mindlessly breed and that there are actually fan sites for them is enough to make someone truly ill.
I was hoping that Michelle would hit menopause and Jim Bob could come down with a bad case of impotence.
Maybe if she had a miscarriage or two, her doctor might actually tell her to JUST STOP!
Just-shoot-me?
Ow. My uterus hurts. Stop talking, bloggin' whatever. I like shamelessly sassy's suggestion.
I remember being a little kid and had a few dolls and stuffed animals and i looked at the exciting part of parenting for adults was to come up with cool names for their kids. And you were going to have a certain number of kids so you could make sure you used all of your most favorite names. So maybe they just took that to heart. And I didn't because i don't have any.
I like J. Crew the best.
but you forgot the ubertrendy Jayden/Jadon/Jaiden which may have finally died down in the popular baby name dept.
I'm sorry, but none of these suggestions are as fantastic as Jhoop Thereitis.
Mrs. Baby Machine is just getting broken in. Wait until she ramps up for full production.
C'mon, go for broke. Take a fist full if fertility pills and incubate 8 or 9 kids at a time. Then do it again..... And again. You'll have 45 Jesus Jumpin' kids in no time.
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