I want Sarah Palin in a bad way

I am completely obsessed with Sarah Palin. I'm beginning to slip into that grey area of obsession that can approximate the feelings of love, a spiritual experience or a cocaine crash. I want more Sarah Palin.

But why, when her politics make her a loathesome anathema, an abhorrance, a bête noire? Alaskan things are always a puzzle. How can you stay warm in an Igloo? There is no sense to that. You just have to accept that ice houses are bizarre and whole in their own bizarro world. Sarah seems to be the Governor of her own bizarro world.

Maybe I'm drawn to her like we can be drawn to the gravity-free world of bad boys and girls. Maybe she is just new, juicy, fresh on the scene to be devoured, and full of gristle to gnaw on. She's golden viral, baby! She's a po-mo banquet!

Sarah also seems to be a funky freakbeast-- in crazy glasses and Ugg boots. She Supernatural Sarah with enigmatic superpowers. She might be a figment of our collective unconscious. She can see right through you like a blue-eyed Husky and then have a litter of your babies before you even knew your period was late. Shazam! She's the Snow Queen arriving on hockey skates, the lead mush dog hot on your scent, closing in.

She can field dress a fucking moose.

She's got weapons of all kinds--knives, guns, God only knows. She's a hardcore Alaskan doing hardcore things! Which is what she said about her husband when he finished the Iron Dog snowmobile torture race with a broken arm. Hardcore Alaskan Things > Wild Things.

Her husband, Todd is reportedly a beast himself. He's an oil man, blue collar, commercial salmon fishing, hunting, fiercely competitive hunk of man with muscles hardened to steel by a life of physical work and sport. This hardcore man takes care of the family, cooks and runs the household. Sarah says she couldn't do it without his support at home. Sarah calls this hardcore man "First Dude of Alaska." Sarah and Todd are Raw Power Squared, and Sarah's Top.

I want more Sarah Palin.

Not in the White House, God no. I really don't know where. In my TV. In my head. Maybe in my bed? She could bring along Todd, we'll give it a go, see if it works.

Maybe because with all of the kinky foreplay of this week, I've yet to hear her speak. Talk to me, Sarah Palin. Maybe then I'll remember you have reprehensible politics, that you scare me in a bad way-not a good way, and you are not the one for me. I'm ready to rip apart every word like a wolf on a and leave you in a post-modern . Because I'm hardcore like that, Sarah. Hardcore to the bone.

Free trivia: There is no formal title for the Vice President's spouse, but informally thus far they have all been referred to as the "Second Lady of the United States." It is unclear if the country will adopt an informal title when we have a male spouse, but it clearly would work best if we have a female president at the same time, as well, or else the "Second" part of "Second Dude" will be confusing.

Free other obsessive conspiracy tracking fact: Sarah's from Alaska and Obama was born in Hawaii. Coincidence?