I brought My Sugar fifty roses yesterday for her 50th birthday. Fifty long-stemmed red Charlottes in two huge vases. I envisioned walking into her office with my arms full of beauty and cocking my head in a charming way as the magnificent sight and perfume reached deep into her soul to make her feel happy and fabulous and loved.
When I pulled into her office parking lot, I saw her leaving her building with envelopes in her hand to walk to the mailbox on the corner. Instead of making an entrance, I thought I could switch plans and beat her to her office to surprise her with that magnificent sight/perfume/cocking thing. So I quickly parked illegally, grabbed the vases and tried to stealth-florist-ninja way it into her office. Except the vases weighed an aquarium ton because they were full of florist water with that cocaine stuff stirred into it. So I'm sloshing and hobbling my way through the courtyard, but fuck if I can't open the door because I am carrying two colossal shark tanks with rose petal juice and dust now clawing at my eyes and sinuses and begging me to sneeze.
All I could do was duck behind the staircase pillar and then sort of clear my throat and say "Hey, Baby" as she passed me by. It was so random it took her a minute to process the whole thing, and before she was even done I had to beg her to take one of the vases from me before I sneezed and dropped them both into a pile of glass shards and thorns. Happy Birthday!
She loved it though, and it was almost perfect in that way where you think maybe you're in a movie doing this thing and soon the townspeople will gather around to watch you kiss.
But instead I just left and took an unexpected drive with my kids where we had another movie moment. We sang some Beatles and fought over which album was better, Rubber Soul or Revolver, and then we were singing Bohemian Rhapsody with incredible precision and passion except the power on A's laptop cut off RIGHT at the "Mama Mia" part! But we continued right on brilliantly with no back-up. Oh, baby, can't do this to me baby, just gotta get out, just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here! Well, two of us thought we sounded bitching. Salo thinks we need singing lessons for Christmas.
So yesterday I had cameos in two movies, and today I'm just working working working and might have forgotten to get all of the conditioner out of my hair because it seems very flat. Is this kind of how it is for Angelina? That's what I thought.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
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23 comments:
What a sweetheart you are! I love the image of you standing there with 50 roses in some random place - so romantic and awesome. Lucky Sugar! (So much better than a sympathy card, not that I'm bitter or anything...)
I was in a room once with a few people, and Bohemian Rhapsody came on, and this woman started singing along. With passion. And she didn't get one word right. Not even one. Not even Mama Mia. It was the most incredible experience of my life.
That's so sweet. I think Angelina's lie is much more chaotic--she's got like a thousand kids.
Happy Birthday to your sugar. 50 roses! That is movie romantic.
And I think the only difference b/w your life and Angelina's is that her family can do all the harmony parts on Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also? you have nicer hair.
50 roses??
Geeez, you're making me look bad.
Real bad!
That's adorable. And it sounds exactly like the kind of thing that happens when one tries to be romantic without a script, director, and a slew of extras.
50 roses! This is the first time I have visited your site and I am already in love with you! (literally, of course)
You are a hopeless wicked romantic! Who knew? Hope she (and you) had a happy day.
SO cute! Your honey is one lucky lady! ;)
happy 50 big ones to your sugar -- you romantic, you!
Boo knows all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody. AND made up his own version with me.
That is awesome.
But not as awesome as what you did for your Sugar. THAT made me swoon and want to kick my husband in the balls.
You did not! Drop them both. Perfect movie moment.
Ellie
LOVE the description of the vases as they grew heavier - and the cocaine stuff the florists put in - too funny! You are such an awesome writer - made me literally laugh out loud. Awesome party AND 50 roses, too! Lucky MS!
I wish you were my wife/husband/partner.
You are an amazingly romantic soul. And a totally hilarious writer. Thanks for this excellent read! I hope you had a great time on the rest of her birthday. ;)
Baby, had I known that the roses were called "long-stemmed red Charlottes", I would have done you on the spot; right there next to the stairs, the dry cleaner and the yoga studio. That would have simply tipped the balance and as wonderful as it would have been (even though it was oh, so cold), guess it's good I didn't know I had 4 dozen (+ 2) red Charlottes seeing as how I still need my job. Baby, you're one in a million and I love you endlessly.
Bohemian Rhapsody is the best singing-in-the-car song ever!
I am glad I found your blog, too!
Aw, you are so sweet. I hope your gal had a wonderful birthday; she's already got a wonderful partner.
That's is even sweeter for the randomness.
Revolver. Definitely Revolver.
The townspeople don't gather around to watch you kiss (or the mall walkers for that matter) unless you broke up, were gone for a long time, and then realized the other person was the meaning to your life and then you walked over people's heads like Crocodile Dundee in the subway station (and miracuously your beloved had never dated anyone else in that time, just like how Tommy Lee Jones found that gal that he lost when he became a "Men in Black" Guy. The townsfolk are so jaded they don't do stuff for people who are in relationships and things are just going along swimmingly. Townsfolk are so fickle
All of these romantic comments! And I was offline all week. But I love them, even if the townspeople suck.
Muah!
Wow I never got 50 roses for my birthday, I have been deprived!
Love the way you tell the story too.
Happy birthday to the lucky birthday person!
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