Sometimes it is hard to know what to say when someone announces without a lot of enthusiasm that she is pregnant. You kind of wait to find out if it's a "hurray," moment, or a "ooohhhh," moment or if a "hhmmm" is needed. But when Michelle Duggar says she's pregnant, the only possible answer is "you crazy knocked-up freak."
Sister already has 17 children, but they now have announced that they have one more bun in that wood-burning oven. Her womb must have a mini-bar and chaise lounges in it by now. Her baby parts are so stretched out that the fetus is able to throw the umbilical cord on like a backpack and take little hikes up to her right shoulder for lunch, and then back down near her left knee for a country ride in the afternoon.
Most people can not wrap their heads around the reproductive choices of this family, but I think of her as some sort of new breed of Old Testament Sci-Fi royalty. Seriously, I would not believe any person on this planet who tried to relay a message from God or aliens EXCEPT for Michelle Duggar. If she announced that she's the Queen of the New World Order and that soon angels or aliens were on their way to vaporize the rest of us to let Michelle and her husband Jim Bob (true story!) repopulate the world in sanctity and whiteness, I think I would say that yeah, I saw that coming, okay, bye now.
The new baby -- #18 -- is due New's Year Day 2009. I imagine that Michelle will register at Target, so don't rush out and buy a gift just yet. And there is no word on the gender at this point. I hope it's a girl, because more Duggar hair is just as necessary to our collective happiness as is, let's say, more cowbell.
The Discovery Channel is inviting people to vote on a name for 18. We could just call her "18" except that all of their children MUST be named with a "J" word according to decree by God and/or aliens. Michelle and Jim Bob already have children named:
Joshua, 20
Jana, 18
John-David, 18
Jill, 16
Jessa, 15
Jinger, 14
Joseph, 13
Josiah, 11
Joy-Anna, 10
Jeremiah, 9
Jedidiah, 9
Jason, 7
James, 6
Justin, 5
Jackson, 3
Johannah, 2
Jennifer, 1
My favorite name is Jinger. Nice. You don't need a new stripper name if your parents plan from the beginning with a hearty, versatile name like Jinger. But I don't like any of the names Discovery wants to offer up for the new baby. They are all boring! And if you can't name your 18th child something fun and distinctive, what is the point, you know?
Here are my first thoughts:
Jezebel (Old Testament, natch!)
Jimmy Bobby (after Dad)
Jeckel
Jellybelly
Jizzie (or Jizey as a variation)
Jhumpa
Jesus Christ
J. Crew
Jackalopee (rhymes with Virgin of Guadalope)
Just Stop
Jipsy Rose
Jabawookeezie
Jack Daniel
J'accuse (French is classy)
Janiquita Sherelle
Jodphrey (nice and British)
Juanita Rosita Bonita de la Jarenta
Jhoop Thereitis
J. Bonedog
J. Lo. Bootie
JuicyJuice
Jiminy
Jabroni
Jacki Chan
I don't know if any of these are right. I'm hoping that the hive mind of da internet can help come up with some better ones. If you help me brainstorm, I will send them a list of our ideas. Anybody? Anybody?
**chirp**
**chirp**
Sister already has 17 children, but they now have announced that they have one more bun in that wood-burning oven. Her womb must have a mini-bar and chaise lounges in it by now. Her baby parts are so stretched out that the fetus is able to throw the umbilical cord on like a backpack and take little hikes up to her right shoulder for lunch, and then back down near her left knee for a country ride in the afternoon.
Most people can not wrap their heads around the reproductive choices of this family, but I think of her as some sort of new breed of Old Testament Sci-Fi royalty. Seriously, I would not believe any person on this planet who tried to relay a message from God or aliens EXCEPT for Michelle Duggar. If she announced that she's the Queen of the New World Order and that soon angels or aliens were on their way to vaporize the rest of us to let Michelle and her husband Jim Bob (true story!) repopulate the world in sanctity and whiteness, I think I would say that yeah, I saw that coming, okay, bye now.
The new baby -- #18 -- is due New's Year Day 2009. I imagine that Michelle will register at Target, so don't rush out and buy a gift just yet. And there is no word on the gender at this point. I hope it's a girl, because more Duggar hair is just as necessary to our collective happiness as is, let's say, more cowbell.The Discovery Channel is inviting people to vote on a name for 18. We could just call her "18" except that all of their children MUST be named with a "J" word according to decree by God and/or aliens. Michelle and Jim Bob already have children named:
Joshua, 20
Jana, 18
John-David, 18
Jill, 16
Jessa, 15
Jinger, 14
Joseph, 13
Josiah, 11
Joy-Anna, 10
Jeremiah, 9
Jedidiah, 9
Jason, 7
James, 6
Justin, 5
Jackson, 3
Johannah, 2
Jennifer, 1
My favorite name is Jinger. Nice. You don't need a new stripper name if your parents plan from the beginning with a hearty, versatile name like Jinger. But I don't like any of the names Discovery wants to offer up for the new baby. They are all boring! And if you can't name your 18th child something fun and distinctive, what is the point, you know?
Here are my first thoughts:
Jezebel (Old Testament, natch!)
Jimmy Bobby (after Dad)
Jeckel
Jellybelly
Jizzie (or Jizey as a variation)
Jhumpa
Jesus Christ
J. Crew
Jackalopee (rhymes with Virgin of Guadalope)
Just Stop
Jipsy Rose
Jabawookeezie
Jack Daniel
J'accuse (French is classy)
Janiquita Sherelle
Jodphrey (nice and British)
Juanita Rosita Bonita de la Jarenta
Jhoop Thereitis
J. Bonedog
J. Lo. Bootie
JuicyJuice
Jiminy
Jabroni
Jacki Chan
I don't know if any of these are right. I'm hoping that the hive mind of da internet can help come up with some better ones. If you help me brainstorm, I will send them a list of our ideas. Anybody? Anybody?
**chirp**
**chirp**
